START
You’ve just been stranded on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The only things that you have with you is an axeand a box of Chips Ahoy cookies. Don’t ask me how you managed to swim to the island after your ship wreck carrying an axe and keeping the cookies dry, but it happened. DON’T YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME! Let’s just get on with the story…
So there you are, sitting in the sand wondering what you next step is going to be:
1
Look at you, cooler than a cucumber right after you just got stranded on a deserted island. You must be an introvert, right? Cause ain’t nobody gonna bother you here.
But after a while of enjoying the moment, you decide that you really should find some fresh water to wash down those cookies with. GO TO 8.
2
Congratulations! You remembered something about surviving in the wilderness! But you know you could have easily done that after enjoying some cookies, right? But whatever! Not my life…GO TO 8.
3
Um, yeah, I understand that you want to be all “rough and tough” and stick it out in the wilderness because bugs don’t bother you…but did snakes ever cross your mind? Particularly poisonous ones? Well, you decided to sleep on the ground in the middle of dense trees. In the middle of the night, without warning, you are bitten by the snake from Harry Potter, Nagini, and die instantly. (This is my story and I can do what I want so take your Hermione-like comment and bugger off)
GAME OVER! GO BACK TO 8 AND TRY AGAIN!
4
I couldn’t agree with you more! You finish off the box of cookies, use the plastic insert as a makeshift water bottle, fill it up with water, and make your way back to the beach.
By the time you reach the beach, the sun is just barely beneath the horizon. You decide that you need to quickly put together some sort of shelter and bed:
5
You slept like a baby with the crashing of the waves lulling you to sleep. GO TO 7.
6
You did not sleep at all because of how cold the sand got and constantly being woken up by little crabs digging in the dirt right next to your face. But hey, you lived! GO TO 7.
7
It’s morning now with the sun blazing down on you. You drink some of your water and continue to sit under the shade of a large palm tree. Your tummy starts to grumble, and you decide that it is time to get something to eat:
8
You use your axe to help cut through some thick brush and happen to come across a little stream. You taste the water to make sure it’s not sea water and you’re in luck! It’s fresh water that doesn’t seem to be contaminated with every pollution known to man because you are the first human to ever come across it…so don’t mess it up…okay?
Now, the sun is slowing slipping behind the horizon and you decide that it is high time to build a shelter and a place to sleep. You look around the stream and then the path that takes you back to the beach…
9
You’re pretty tired and the idea of trying to scale the giant tree doesn’t sound all that appealing. So you stand at the bottom of the tree and begin to push at it, shaking it violently so that the food will fall to the ground.
You continue this for a while before you notice your axe sitting right next to your feet. You proceed to laugh at your stupidity and start hacking away at the tree.
One swing…two swings…three swings…ANGRY BIRD! VERY ANGRY BIRD! A giant, colorful bird swoops down and starts dive-bombing you. You decide to…
10
You find a medium sized branch and use your axe to start sharpening the end of it. When you finally finish, you walk to the water and slowly step in, making sure not to make any sudden movements and scare the fish away.
A couple of fish start to scurry by, but you decide that those wouldn’t be a very filling meal…plus one of them looked like Nemo and you didn’t feel like ruining your childhood by eating him.
So you wait a bit longer until you see a nice big fish start to swim towards you. It stops right in-between your feet. You…
11
You decide the best course of action is to make a run for it. You shriek and turn around, but before you can break into a dead run, you smack into the adjacent tree. You hit it so hard you fall onto your back and watch as a coconut becomes loose and fall directly on your head and kills you. Where was that one when you were trying to shake it out of the tree earlier? It must be in cahoots with the bird…
GAME OVER! GO BACK TO 9 AND TRY AGAIN!
12
You shriek and swing your axe like a mad man. The bird just finished watching The Shining last night and was so frightened by your “Here’s Johnny” demeanor that it decided to leave you alone and flies away. You’re not sure what just happened, but feel quite proud that you were brave enough to stay and fight him off.
You finish chopping down the tree and it lands in the sand with a thunk. You quickly pick off the coconuts, gather some bananas that had fallen to the ground during your scuffle with the bird, and feast on your organic lunch…every Pinterest cook would be proud of you. GO TO 13.
13
After you finished eating, you looked longingly into the distant ocean and wondered if you would be stuck here forever. And as if somebody had read your mind, you see a ship in the distance coming closer to you.
You stand up and begin to wave frantically back and forth. The ship looks like it’s coming right towards you! You can barely hold your excitement as a smaller boat embarks from the ship and comes ashore. A man with a significantly large beard is on the boat and when he steps onto the sand, you notice that he has a wooden peg in place of his right leg.
“Aye eye there matey! The name’s Dan but my friends call me Daniel. I see yee here stranded and me captain would like to rescue yah. But be warned, we are about to embark on a perilous quest for Captain Crunch’s hidden treasure. Are yah in or do yee want to stay on this forsaken island?”
As soon as you are about to answer, a whirring noise fills your ears and a flying saucer suddenly appears in the sky! It lands swiftly on the sand and a large ramp slides out. Then a man and a woman, dressed in peculiarly shiny, silver clothes, exit the craft.
“Greetings earthling,” the woman says, “we couldn’t help but notice that you have been parted from your fellow humans. Our Captain extends his gracious hand and would like to welcome you aboard our craft. But be warned, we are about to embark on a perilous quest to the land of E.T.’s people to save their dying planet. Would you like to join us?”
You are suddenly faced with an incredibly difficult choice…you choose to:
14
As soon as you get the spear into the water, the fish juts off to the side, just missing your strike. You watch in horror as thespear then sinks directly into your foot. You let out a howl and pull the spear out of your foot.
The water starts to turn red and you begin to panic as you see a looming fin making its way to you in the distance. The Jaws music intensifies as it gets closer and closer, you…
15
You patiently wait until the fish swims a bit further away from your feet and then you take your chance. With one quick jab, you successfully pierced the fish and you hold your victorious trophy in your hand. (For those of you not confident in your accuracy skills, you simply channeled your inner Katniss and luckily got it on the first shot…so don’t question it! BE HAPPY!)
You bring your fish to shore, cook it up like the Gordon Ramsay you think you are, and gobble it down like the bottomless pit you really are. GO TO 13.
16
I think it’s cute that you think you can outrun a swimming shark. But props to you for taking a chance! Unfortunately, Bruce was having a bad day and since “Fish are friends, not food,” you were the only other option.
GAME OVER! GO BACK TO 10 AND TRY AGAIN!
17
Well geez! Look at you! Looking fear in the face and deciding not to go down without a fight! You know that it’s too late to run away, so when Bruce got close enough, you shot a hard right jab directly into his nose. Unfortunately, you just made him very angry and he gobbles you up. But at least Rocky would have been proud of that punch!
GAME OVER! GO BACK TO 10 AND TRY AGAIN!
18
You decide that you want nothing to do with either of them. They both leave, a little disappointed, and you are left alone on the island again. And one day, while walking along the beach, you stumble across an old lamp that looks like a teapot. You notice that there is something written on the side, so you rub off some of the sand and suddenly a genie appears! He tells you that he will grant you three wishes…but only after he sings about how you’ll never have a friend like him (a reference form Aladdin for all those who apparently hate happiness and Disney movies). What would you wish for?
YOU WIN! THE END! Or is it…?
19
You decide that space is not a frontier that you want to explore just yet and decide to help the pirates. Daniel did get there first after all…
You and Daniel hop into the boat and head back to the ship where your next great adventure awaited.
YOU WIN! THE END! Or is it…?
20
You decide that it’s not every day that an alien comes looking for help, so you hop on the ship and fly off into space. No pictures could ever do it justice as you soar across the beautiful galaxy where your next great adventure awaited.
YOU WIN! THE END! Or is it…?