Posted in Numbers

The Stages of Getting Addicted to an App

If you’ve ever owned a smartphone, these stages of becoming addicted to an app might sound a bit too familiar. If at any time while you’re reading this you find yourself relating to one at the present moment, please proceed to stage 8 for the sake of your wallet, time, and sanity.

Stages:

1. Sounds interesting, I’ll download it. You’ve been browsing through the app store for 10 minutes now, wondering when your pizza that’s in the oven will be done yet. You stumble across a fun looking game with cute cartoons and a high user rating. You look up to the oven clock. It reads: “9:00”. You think, might as well. You download the app to make the time pass.

2. I like playing this game, every once in a while. During every break at work, as you browse through your phone, you may open it a few times and play it a bit. You will leave and come back to it periodically, trying not to ruin the app’s fun-meter by playing it too often.

3. This game is my life. Every second you can spare is put into this game. You have become invested in how the game ends up and the competitiveness in you begins to gradually rise. You have to get to the next level. You have to beat this game. You can’t waste time eating anymore, the game is too important.

4. I’m considering the in-app purchases. To make this game go faster and to get those cool upgrades, you will consider buying the in-app purchases. You will try to convince yourself that this purchase is worth it because “it’s only a few dollars”, but your inner conscious wins you over and you avoid purchasing anything.

5. I’m gonna get the in-app purchase. You ignore your inner conscious and purchase a cool upgrade.

6. No sleep, just play. Now that you have put real money into this game, you cannot lose this game or give up on it. You must put all your time and energy into it. There is no more time for you to sleep because you spend every waking hour playing this game.

7. I’m bored now, I’ve practically beat the game. You’ve finally played this game for a solid month without stopping. You have beat the game. Now you are bored with it and begin to forget that it is still on your phone because there is no sense opening up the game that you have already beat.

8. Delete it. It’s now been five weeks since you last opened the app, you have finally decided that it’s time to delete it off of your phone to save space. You have a final moment of sentimentality before removing it forever…only to download the second version.

Posted in Numbers

The 5 People You’ll Definitely Meet in College

You’ll meet a lot of people when you attend college, but here are five people that you are for sure going to cross paths with:

1. The Partier

Oh boy. Here it comes! They’re gonna do something really stupid this time. I am not dragging their drunkenness home today. Don’t do it! Ah geez, they did it. They did the worm…on the floor…on the nasty bar floor.

There is always that one person at college that seems to spend every single weekend partying. No matter what their doing during the week or if they have to work at 8 am the next morning, they will be out drinking and dancing the night away. The amazing thing about these students is that no matter how much you think they slack off during the week because they party too hard, they will probably get better grades than you. It’s a phenomenon that I like to call “The Slacker but A+ Maker”. It will amaze you that they’re still in school and some nights when you’re at home studying hard, you will wonder why they were gifted with this incredible superpower, and you weren’t.

2. The Marathoner

FRIEND: “Are you good?”

ME: “Yeah, I’m fine!”  

Sweet mother of cornbread I think my lungs are gonna burst. Uhhhhhhh! My body was not meant for this kind of crap! Okay, we’re almost done, I can see the finish line. I can almost taste the sweet victory of the greasy, cheesy bread-sticks I have been dreaming about since we started this stupid run.

FRIEND: “Oh, my gosh! That path looks so beautiful! Let’s take a quick turn here and then we can go back…are you sure you’re okay?”

ME: “Sure!”

WHAT THE F***! I’M NOT MADE OF MUSCLES! ALL I GOT ARE ROLLS OF LOVE!

There will always be the one person that is more athletic than the athletes themselves. Their attire will consist of either flamboyant yoga pants or multi-colored basketball shorts. You will see them all the time when you are on your way to various events, and they will always run by, smile, and wave. And as they pass, you’ll feel really guilty for all the exercise you haven’t done and the fact that you are on your way to get a giant slice of pizza. Don’t feel bad! We all have different exercise routines (if we have them at all) and some are just more excelled at it than others. I can speak from experience. If they ask you to go on a run with them, the answer is “no”. The answer should always be “no”. Unless you want to collapse and puke in front of a campus tour group and make a fool out of yourself (true story).

3. The Complainer

“FRIEND”: “Ugh! My day has been a literal piece of garbage. Like literally. I have soooo much to do. I have to do my laundry, go to work, and I have soooo much homework too. Ugh! And my boyfriend has been a real jerk this week, he laughed when I broke my nail in class the other day. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I BROKE IT? It was so horrible, Jeanie was all like….”

ME: “Uh huh.”

Wait, I lost track. How many ceiling tiles are there again? I’ll just count again. 1. 2. 3…

Honestly, as college students we are all prone to complain every now and then. It’s completely normal! Sometimes we have to release the stress of the day and vent to someone. I think that this is a really good way to relieve some stress and get someone else’s perspective. But there is a limit. And some people love to cross this limit. These are the people that will complain and complain and complain. Every conversation will start with “hello” and go immediately into what is wrong with their life. They will claim that they have the worst life ever (yes, because getting a college education is “so awful” and having a roof over your head is “so awful”). It will take a lot out of you to not verbalize these sarcastic remarks. But please don’t be mean about it. Maybe start with something gentle, like “WE ARE ALL BUSY! JOIN THE F***ING CLUB!”

4. The Crush That Goes Nowhere

CRUSH: “Hey.”

ME: “Hey.”

They just looked at me and said “hey”! Were they happy to see me? Or were they upset, maybe they don’t like me. It was the grey shirt, yup, they think I’m a dull freak. But I’m pretty classy…did I have something in my teeth? I’m just gonna adopt a lot of dogs, yup, I’m gonna be alone forever. I’m done with relationships! I’m just gonna ignore them now…

CRUSH: “Hey, do you have a pencil I can borrow.”

ME: “YES. YES, I DO. I HAVE 500 TO CHOOSE FROM. I LOVE Y…YUGOSLAVIA.”

Definitely stick with the dogs.

Ah yes. The allure of young love and romance. You’d probably be lying to yourself if you say that you’ve never had a crush before. I, unfortunately, have had plenty in my lifetime and pretty much all of them have gone nowhere. What I mean by “nowhere” is that you will have a crush on this person for the entirety of your college career, and it will be nothing more than that. You’ll admire from afar, but never get the chance, or maybe the nerve, to tell them. Now, you may be thinking “Why don’t you just talk to them? Maybe they’ll like you back? Why are you admiring from afar? Go get ‘em!” Well, all I have to say about that is: how would their significant other feel? Just saying.

5. The BFF for Life

BFF: “Hey.”

ME: “Hey.”

BFF: “Wanna drink wine and watch Disney movies?”

ME: “Hell yes”

BFF: “Hakuna-freakin’-matata here we come!”

This is the person that will make your life at college awesome. They’ll always be there for you on the days you want to chill, the days when you need to cry, the days when you need to laugh, and on the days when you want to nap on the couch while they watch HGTV. This is the person that you will always hang onto, even when you go your separate ways after you graduate. When you meet this person, you’ll know. And they’ll be the best part about college yet, except for the studying, classes, and educational stuff of course.

All in all, college is a great experience and you’ll meet a lot of awesome people that you’ll never forget!